You can't make this up

[jordanna]

"Will trade Donkey for Gas Golf Cart"

Man, I wish I had a golf cart.

Not exactly what I was looking for

[jordanna]

What amazes me more than this product's existence, is the fact that 3 out of 3 reviewers gave it five stars. It must take a certain kind of person.

Synonyms

[jordanna]

"Maternity pants" and "Welcome to my plumber's crack"

If

[jordanna]

If the baby weighs 1 lb now, what are the other 20.5 for?

That is a first

[jordanna]

I was looking for Tucson farmer's markets and found the following:

Rincon Valley Farmers Market

Open every Saturday, rain or shine, the market offers fresh produce, breads, coffees, teas, plants, tamales, emu oil and salsa. Live entertainment is also provided.

EMU OIL? According to the interweb, it is apparently the latest and greatest in relief of any and all skin ailments. Including hemorrhoids. According to wikipedia it is predominately oleic acid, with some linoleic acids (Omega 3 and 6) thrown in, which would explain the benefits. Personally, I try and avoid rubbing dead birds on my body. Call me squeamish, I'll go for the olive and flax seed oils every time.

Freakin' Brilliant

[jordanna]

Possibly the best thing about my new work location: The University of Arizona library staff will scan and email you articles from their print journals so that you don't have to go there and photocopy it (if you have a valid library account). Saves them wear and tear on their originals, saves paper, and ensures that my butt will continue to take on the shape of my office chair. And, now I will no longer ignore important citations because I am too lazy to go to the library and get them.

I can't wait to play this

[jordanna]

As a warning to anyone who is planning to come visit us, I will probably put you through playing this game once:

http://www.geocities.com/nconner23/bwcards.html

I have yet to try it, but it looks like a blast.

Missed the mark

[jordanna]

If these people really wanted to reduce fear of childbirth, couldn't they have picked a picture of a baby that didn't look like it just came off the set of The Ring?

Because women can't operate a level

[jordanna]

I just found an ad on craigslist entitled "Need more time to FOLD SOCKS?" (the caps were their idea), complete with a hilariously chauvenistic picture.

http://tucson.craigslist.org/sks/243954158.html

Of course, I was as work for three hours today before I discovered my shirt is on inside out, and I'm not even blond.

When you really want a camera

[jordanna]

I drove Ty into work today, and on the way we had two seperate incidents of 'We really need to keep the camera in the car':

1. Christmas carnage arizona style: The minimist desert landscape and the low, flat rooftops here have resulted in the bizzarre popularity of inflatable christmas decorations. It is not uncommon to walk through our neighborhood, hear a blower, round the corner and see a billowing nylon representation of Santa and his reindeer. We had a recent cold snap, and this apparently affected our neighbors setup. We drove by to see the proud waving santa, jolly snowman, and cutsie penguin reduced to post-dorothy wicked witch of the west pools on their roof.

2. We're in slightly different culture now: The license plate holder on the F350-Dually truck in front of us read "Burning Gas & Hauling Ass". Ahhhhh, America.

Who are they kidding?

[jordanna]

My fear of epidurals is an order of magnitude greater than my fear of labor pain. I have a history of a bad back and want nothing to do with the potential fetal or maternal complications. That said, I am still a bit nervous at the prospect of a natural childbirth. I decided to do some good old fashioned internet research on the topic. In an article on Discovery's Health site, entitled 'Natural relief for labor pain', they suggest I ask for a hug, and some emotional support. I have no delusions about how much easier this process will because of how amazingly supportive Tyson is, but I was hoping for some more in depth advice.

'Honey, you are the cutest beached whale I've ever seen. Go get 'em'
'Dude, it totally doesn't hurt anymore'

That Definitely Wasn't Gas

[jordanna]

One week later, I am convinced that I am feeling the baby move. I imagined that the first time I felt our baby, it would be a magical experience that moved me to tears. All the books say that first movements will feel like 'gentle butterflies'. I don't think those people have been pregnant. Or, we have a less than graceful baby. Granted, the movements are not particularly strong (yet), but there is nothing delicate about them. It is unbelievably strange to feel motion inside your body that is in no way, shape, or form controlled by you. Remember in Aliens, when the alien comes out of somebody for the first time? Remember the look on that guy's face? I understand that look better now. Incredible wierdness aside, it is pretty damn cool to feel the sorlet kicking around in there.

The Incredible Edible Fetus

[jordanna]

For those of who who find the whole comparison of fetuses to food thing not disturbing, I thought you would like to know I am gestating a small zucchini. Although, couldn't they have picked a more reliably sized vegetable? We hit the official halfway mark on Thursday, although according to our last ultrasound I will probably deliver late.

He can kind of count to seven

[jordanna]

Without a doubt, the member of our family that had suffered the most from our move and plunge into remodelling a house is Roland. We no longer have huge wooded dog parks at our disposal, nor do we have time to trek into the mountains on the weekend. In an effort to make up for it we have started taking him to 'Sunday Funday', which is at the local humane society. They open their play yards to non-aggressive dogs with vaccination records, and provide coffee and donuts to the owners who can watch their canine kids turn into drooling idiots. Roland thinks this is great fun. I mean the dogs are okay, but that place is filled with like forty people who will pet him! Constantly! So this Saturday I roll out of bed, walk out into the hall and am confronted with 110 pounds of vibrating, tail wagging puppy. For those of you who know Roland, you will recognize that voluntary movement without promise of food reward is rare. I tried to walk by him, and he started hopping and howling. Mom, mom it's a weekend! Yes Roland, but it is Saturday. No fun for you. He dejectedly slumped back off to bed, and we go tno reaction out of him the next morning. We trundled him off to the fun place anyway, and he wore himself out so much that when we dragged him through home depot later he laid down everytime we stopped for more than a minute to look at stuff. Ty took some pictures, which he will hopefully post over T-day weekend. Who doesn't want pictures of our cute dog slobering on unsuspecting dogs and people?

Um, yeah

[jordanna]

It is completely illegal to name the color of maternity clothing "chastity pink". Do I look chaste to you?

5 Yard Penalty

[jordanna]

I have been known to make up a word or two in my time (it's an inherited trait received from my father), but Office Depot deserves a penalty for the use of "Janitation Depot". Janitation? The top 5 suggestions the merriam-webster dicitonary site spits out when you enter janitation are: 1. gene mutation, 2. giant schnauzer, 3. geminating, 4. genitalia, 5. genitally.

Do they want me to eat it?

[jordanna]

Both my pregnancy book and the website that sends me weekly updates of baby development consistently list the size of the fetus (this week it is 5 1/2 inches) and then compare it to a food item. Last week I was gestating a large onion. This week it is a sweet potato. Are these people dreaming of thanksgiving? Or do they think I can't operate a ruler?

Narcolepsy: it'll get you every time

[jordanna]


I am sitting here, in mid-cup of tea, trying to read an article. I realized I was falling asleep and started rubbing my bleary eyes. Apparently I fell asleep while doing this, because the next thing I felt was a sharp pain as I let my head go and poked myself in the eye with my right thumb. That's right ladies and gentlemen, these genes are staying in the pool.

Unexpectedly

[jordanna]

Those of you who are familar with my weight struggles since 2002, when I developed gasteroparesis, will find this amusing: I am topping the weight gain charts for pregnancy. After dropping to 112 before our wedding, it took me 3 1/2 years to consistently weigh in at 125 or slightly above (prior to starting martial arts I was 128, after 6 months of training I was 136 and my clothes fit the same). So far in the sorlet saga we have:
7 weeks - 125
12 weeks - 130
17 weeks - 136.5
One site I read recommended a weight gain of 11-14 pounds by the end of the 2nd trimester. I am at 11.5, and the second trimester isn't over for another 8 weeks! Tyson is doing a jig of joy, as his greatest fear of breeding with me was that I would gain a total of 10 pounds and squeeze out a sickly 3 pound baby.

By Special Request

[jordanna]

Tyson wanted me to record for posterity what I ate yesterday:
1 big bowl of cereal
2 eggs, over-easy
1 asian pear
5 whole wheat saltines
(it is now 10 am)
1 bowl of white beans, sausage and kale
another 5-10 saltines
1 jona-gold apple (so much better than the romes i got last week)
another 5-10 saltines
1/2 pint of Dreyers rocky road ice cream
handful of grapes
2 morning star fake chicken patty sandwiches
(with lettuce and tomato on a whole wheat bun)
handful of potato chips

ummmm, the baby's growing?

Bomb Scare

[ty]

Like most people I have a routine for the first hour of work every morning. First I refill my coffee mug from my thermos, then I go make copies for my classes for the day, then I go up to the office to check my mailbox and collect my attendance folder. Today, for whatever reason, I went up to the office first fully intending to fill my coffee mug upon my return. It was not to be. As I got up to the main office I noticed a police car go flying by in the bus turnaround with all its lights on. When I was in high school that meant that someone had gotten hurt and the ambulance was on its way. Nowadays the sight of a lit up squad car on campus means you should get indoors fast and try to keep low and behind cover as you go. Not good.

Sure enough, a bomb threat had been called in to the local police and the students and staff had all been evacuated out to the athletic fields. I headed out to the fields and spent the next 2 hours trying to discourage students from escaping to the parking lot. They brought in 5 K-9 units, sniffed the entire school top to bottom, and around 10:00 declared school back in business.

Now, a brief word on high school students need be said here. My students will come to class and complain that they are SOOO tired that they really absolutely need a 30 min nap before they can be expected to do anything productive in class. But given the opportunity to doze in the beautiful AZ autumn sun for 2 hours instead of being in class all they do is wander around and complain that they should be allowed to walk the 7 miles home. Damn kids.

So all is well and I've spent the last hour pestering Zak on IM as he tries valiantly to make multicolored scarves. He's a strange man.

The Cat is Out of the Bag

[jordanna]

In a classic maneuver, Zak Pelo(Joa)quin outed Steve and Paula yesterday afternoon. Paula quickly confirmed the rumours that she and Steve are indeed engaged. I talked to her yesterday morning and didn't want to post anything on the blog until they made the news public (but yes, this is what #3 from yesterday's post was about). For those of you who don't know, Paula and Steve are close friends of ours. I met Tyson and Paula together at a sea turtle conference, and we were fairly inseparable after that. Paula also served as our minister. Zak used to work with Steve and introduced him to us. Steve is a marveluous guy, who exhibits the rare and wonderful combination of being very jolly and having a sick sense of humour. They are perfect for each other and I couldn't be happier. I think we should all raise a glass, and toast the fabulous event that brought them together: consumption of the Tim Henry Margarita, hand crafted by Tim Henry himself.

October 24th, Not Just the Day Afer Mole Day
[jordanna]

Today has been a FANTASTIC day for three reasons:

1. I do not have a headache. I developed a sinus headache Sunday afternoon in Ikea (I know, I was asking for it), and within hours I was useless. I woke up Monday with the same headache, and tried to go to work where it progressively got worse. I left after several hours and went on a mission to find a Neti Pot, which I located at walgreens (who would have thunk it). The finer points of using a Neti Pot can be found here: http://www.jalanetipot.com/how.html
I did not come up with this lunatic idea on my own, Kendra swears by it. One day and four sinus irrigations later, so do I.

2. I found out that my behavior paper was accepted! For scientist folks, this is a very exciting event. For me it is a particularly exciting event. This is the second paper I have submitted. The first has been going through submission and review for over two years, and the process has been so intense I have considered quiting research. The second manuscript, however, sailed through with very little contention and was officially accepted for publication today. Huzzah!

3. I got wonderful, exciting, fantastic news about people I love and I CAN'T SHARE IT YET!!! I will expound on my joys about this news at a later date.

p.s. Mole Day, contrary to popular belief, is not a holiday to celebrate lawn rodents. Naturally, it is a holiday to commemorate Avogadro's Number (6.02 x 10^23).

When New Appliances Go Wrong

[jordanna]

Shortly before our move, our beloved bread machine started to make creaking and groaning noises akin to a haunted house in a low budget horror flick. We decided to leave it behind and invest in a good Cuisinart convection bread maker. My first experiment with the delay timer went less than smoothly. Turns out that the bread pan can *look* like it is snapped in, but really be floating on top of the gear that causes the paddle to actually spin and knead the bread. We woke up two days ago to the fragrant smell of fresh herb bread, and found this:

Addendum to Ty's Yoga Tirade

[jordanna]

I learned two things at yoga last night:

1. I can no longer lay on my stomach. The 30 seconds I spent trying resulted in 15 straight minutes of intestinal and uterine cramping. Given that my belly is the same size it was 5 weeks ago, I was a bit surprised. Apparently the uterus:bloating ratio is increasing.

2. We should head to the BACK of the room. Yoga +Pregnant Lady = Lots and Lots of Gas (this is one of those pregnancy symptoms I had heard of and scoffed at, assuming it couldn't be that bad. As I long time sufferer of IBS, I can confirm that no matter how prepared you feel, it is that bad.)

Yoga For Dummies

[ty]

Tonight JD and I went to our first pre-natal yoga class. Technically it's just a beginner Hatha yoga class, but we figure any yoga is good yoga. It's located "downtown" in a really nice space with light brown flooring, many many fans, and a kind of shrine that the yoga lady sits in front of while she tortures you. So we got there 10 minutes early to fill out a liability waiver and list medical history. After 5 hard years of martial arts I've given up listing my ailments and simply write "Wide variety of bone, muscle, tendon, ligament, and ego damage. Nothing debilitating."

Anyway, we get our complementary yoga mats and navaho wool blankets and stake out some territory on the edge of the space. I have NO idea how to warm up for yoga so I stick with what I know and try out a few jump spin kicks. Not a popular option. After a few minutes Yoga Lady asks us to find a comfortable sitting position and concentrate on our breathing. I comply and sit indian style and begin to take deep breaths. Immediately my leg cramps. Crap. This is not going to go well for me.

Over the next hour we progress from sitting, to standing, to kneeling, to laying down, to rolling over, etc etc. Some of the positions were absolutely excrutiating and I distinctly remember one particular position called the twist. Begin by laying down. Nice. Now, while staring at the ceiling and wondering if anyone has noticed that you're chewing gum lift and extend your left leg. Excellent. Cross your right leg on top of your left leg as if you were sitting down and crossing your legs. Good. Now, if you can, wrap your right foot under your left calf as if it had no bones in it that would prevent such a thing. Now gently lower your leg to the ground and touch your foot to the floor. At this point, I was so lost I looked over at Yoga Lady to see which foot was supposed to be approaching the ground and Bride of Gumby that she was I COULDN'T TELL by simply observing. Her legs were all twisted up like a licorice stick. So I gave up and concentrated on breathing again.

After 55 minutes of adventurous pain she released us from our most recent contortion and gave a command that sounded for all the world like "Ok people, Shabazz Time." All the women around us (the class was 95% female) lay down on their backs and pulled their blankets around them as Yoga Lady went around and turned off the lights. Nap time! Sweet! For the next ?10? minutes we relaxed and practiced meditating. Not a bad deal.

So that was it. To be honest I enjoyed it quite a bit. Stretching has always been my personal athletic demon and having someone walk me through the painful painful process is really the only way it gets done. It's kind of funny to hear the Yoga Lady saying "Now, if any of this hurts just relax and find what your body feels is comfortable" while I'm over in the corner shaking, swearing a blue streak to myself, and pushing just a little harder to get the most out of it. We agreed that we should be going a couple of times a week to keep JD healthy and me entertained.

Oh yeah, and we finished tiling the bathroom today. Pics to follow.

It's An Alien!!

[tyson]

This morning we went to the perinatal wing of St. Joe's hospital for our Nuchal Transparency scan. For those of you who aren't up on your Prenatal Testing Technology its basically a sonogram with the specific purpose of looking at the thickening of the kid's neck folds. In theory you can combine information gleaned from the test with some blood work and end up with good information on the possibility of trisomy disorders (down syndrome, etc).


Anyway, it was a great excuse to get an early sonogram and marvel at the little vertebra, opposable thumbs, and alien-like head structure. We also got to check out Jordanna's ovaries which, in my professional medical opinion, looked up to the task of producing quality children.

After we left the Perinatal wing we headed over to the Emergency room, for the second time in two days, to try and find a cure for Tyson's random allergic reaction to ??????. I woke up this morning with a swollen face and arms so we figured if I hadn't died by the time the sonogram was over we could head over to the Triage nurse and get some antihistamines. Mission accomplished and I spent the rest of the afternoon curled up on our couch sleeping off the Benedryl shot.

In other exciting news we finished painting the main room and our new fridge was delivered today.

You know you need a new translator when...

[jordanna]

... your product description contains the phrase "With stylish design to make the unit more larruping."

Larruping: verb 1. to flog soundly, 2. to defeat decisively

Hippy parents? What hippy parents?

[jordanna]

I had a productive morning at work and found what may be the coolest product for babies EVER:

http://www.gdiapers.com/gdiapers101

Just think, you can have a baby AND a house that doesn't smell like poo.

We have a heartbeat!

[jordanna]

We went in for our 12 week checkup yesterday, and doctor #2 found the heartbeat of The Sorlet. Doctor #1 is our doctor, and she is fantastic. She is, however, a resident and had a hard time locating the little ticker. Of course, doctor #2 had no cumpunctions about bouncing the little dopple probe off my spine (from the front of my belly), which may explain his greater success. Apparently the little bugger was hiding (a good sign, I'm sure). The fast little whoosh-whoosh is a sure signthat this pregnancy is not a figment of my imagination! Thank god, because I have already gained 5 pounds. Given how much I have been eating, I thought that was a little low.

No spice shall be left behind!

[jordanna]

One of the hardest things about leaving Seattle has been the food. We had the best grocery store on the planet (Central Market). This grocery store was so remarkable, that all of our out-of-town visitors to Seattle who saw it have asked us if we miss it since moving to Tucson. Um, YES! Happily, I got a little taste of ex-home delivered last week. The world's greatest spice merchant (www.worldspice.com) is online! I brought my parents there 5 years ago and they have been refilling their spice jars in NC via the internet ever since. The smell of the package delivered to my house last week was unbelievably divine, and makes our house smell like a home. For those of you unfamiliar with spice guy, you really should get aquainted. My top recommendations are the italian herb (which I substitute for every generic herb in every recipe), svaneti salt, avacado leaf, chipotle moreno, pasillo oaxo, and kashmiri curry (accurate spelling not gauranteed). This is a fraction of our collection, but these are the ones I am least capable of living without. Now seriously, treat yourself and buy a new spice.
.

Advantages to travelling with a pregnant lady

[jordanna]

- you get to eat all the time
- you will never be the person who asks the driver to pull over at a rest station
- time for afternoon naps is a given
- you will feel athletically superior, as you can walk more than a 1/2 mile without resting
- you will get lots of alone time, as the pregnant lady will frequently abandon you to nap
- you probably thought you had another 6 months before getting out of the house took that long (do we have snacks? comfortable shoes? a sweatshirt? 3 gallons of water? oh god, unlock the door I forgot my vitamins!)

My fantastic inlaws, Roger and Teri, are in town. Over the weekend we drove up to the Grand Canyon, which was awesome. We regularly realized we had lost Roger, only to find him staring raptly into the canyon a quarter mile back along the trail. Teri was unable to stop hiking along the rim, eventually losing all of us to afternoon naps and doing the last several miles by herself. I was the first to fall (Tyson escorted me home), but Roger made it all the way to lunch. The weather was picture-perfect sunny fall. ty and I hadn't realized how much we missed cool weather, and coming back into the hot Tucson sun was really hard. Before coming down here, we wondered if we would fall in love and want to stay forever. Being in that crisp fall air over the weekend was like coming home. I can't imagine settling long term in a climate where I have to order my seasonal pumkin-spice latte iced because it is 95 degrees outside.

A New Floor!

[jordanna]

For the record, we have the most amazing friends ever. Not one, not two, but three of our friends dedicated their Saturday to installing our new floor. Thanks to them we can now walk barefoot in our living room, hallway, and half of the dining area. The remainder of the house is still terrifiying to touch. One more day will finish up the kitchen and dining area, then we will be mostly done with our living space! This last phase would have been twice as long and wasted 10x as much flooring if we had been blundering through with out Jeff, Gaspar, and Steve. Thanks guys!

The good news is we now have a floor for you all to sleep on, as Hamilton and his band can attest to. This means you have no excuse to not book tickets, unless you are a pansy and are holding out until the guest room is finished and you can have a bed to sleep in.

9 Weeks In And My Pants Don't Fit

[jordanna]

I hit 9 weeks last thursday. Last friday I was getting ready to leave the house when I realized my pants, that I wore on thursday, were uncomfortable. I unzipped them and my belly lunged out of them, never to be contained again. I have gained exactly 1 pound and it is protruding 3" horizontally in front of my hips. According to all my books, I should still have my girlish figure. This could be a long, stretching 31 weeks.

God help my husband...

[jordanna]

... if this intense craving for refried beans continues much longer.

To answer the most common questions:
[jordanna]

1. As of August 31st I will be 8 weeks pregnant
2. Yes, this was intentional : )
3. I am nauseous and tired, but not puking yet
4. No, Tyson is not working me to death with the remodel. I, unlike him, get to take afternoon naps.

I just read that last post...

and realized I, might, have, a, comma, addiction.

Quiting coffee might SEEM like a good idea...
[jordanna]

Given my recent spate of bladder infections I have been hydrating, eating fewer simple sugars, and had cut back to one cup of coffee a day. This morning I woke up and thought, I don't need a cup of coffee. No more coffee for me! Now, come noon, my neck and jaw are frozen solid and my head is pounding. Needless to say, I am drinking a cup of coffee.

If only I had listened to my shop teacher
[jordanna]

Do you remember when you were in junior high, and the shop teacher wouldn't let you in the room unless you had close-toed shoes? That is because bare feet, brand new drill bits, and a husband who leaves the drill lying on the floor around the other side of the cabinet you are assembling makes for a BAD COMBINATION. Ironically, I had to get a tetanus shot our third day here after kicking a rusty nail. I am apparently so cheap that I feel the need to get every pennies worth out of that shot.

11 hours at Ikea and all I got was this stupid kitchen
[jordanna]

Of course we weren't really at Ikea for 11 hours, 5 of those hours were spent driving our truck (through a flood on the way there, check the pics!). Ikea is a torturous necessity in life. It offers so many solutions to problems you never knew you had (clearly the towel to wipe the dog's feet HAS to hang on a hook shaped like a dog heiny). And, to be honest, walking in and buying cabinets for a kitchen that I designed and get to build is fulfilling a long time dream of mine. After picking up all the cabinets, I am no longer deluded into thinking we will be installing them on Sunday. It is going to take us until labor day to assemble them. Despite the 6 hours shopping, we managed to exit Ikea with only 100$ of unplanned purchases (including a 2$ milk frother, an aloe plant, and 2 handblown smoke colored scotch tumblers). For this I think we deserve a medal.

Home Again! Except It's A New Home...
[tyson]

So we have, since our last post:

1) Explored Ostia Antica, the ancient Roman port city at the mouth of the Tiber river

2) Flown home from Europe (very long trip but not very exciting)

3) Packed everything we own into our truck and a U-Haul trailer and driven to Tucson AZ from Seattle

4) Begun our kitchen remodel

5) Sweated a lot. I mean...a...lot.

Ok, I'll try and keep this short and hit the relatively salient points.

Rome was amazing. It was soooo old. The ruins were everywhere. And I don't mean everywhere as in there were lots of special places to go to see ruins. You can be walking down the street trying to decipher your Lonely Planet map to find the place where Julius Caesar was stabbed and realize that your standing right on top of it. At a bus stop. Next to a post office. To commemorate the site the Romans may or may not have gone so far as to place a plaque. The whole place is just business as usual in what used to be the center of the Western world and might be again someday. The Romans aren't fazed in the least. Gives one a bit of perspective on our country's prediliction to stake out 4 acres, string barbed-wire, and set up a Homeland Security checkpoint for the signing point of the Smoot-Hawley Tariff.



Anyway, we went to the collesium and it was stunning but freaking dilapidated. I understand that its very old but for the love of christ it can't be that difficult to take care of. I've never actually been in charge of a 2000 year old amphitheater but seriously, how hard can it be?

So after 5 days in Berlin, 2 days in Brussels, and 5 days in Rome we were burned out on European capital cities and bailed for the Tyrrhenian Sea and the Port City of Ostia Antica. It ruled. Our hotel was ON the water. I didn't actually time myself (we forgot a watch and so had no idea what time it was the entire time, ahh...vacation) but I bet I could have sprinted from the door of our hotel and made it into the water in about 6 seconds. The water was silly warm. I take colder showers on a regular basis. In true form to our respective personalities within 20 minutes of checking in to our room Jordanna was sacked out in a swishy beach chair in the sun with a book while I played in the water till my eyes burned from the salt and I couldn't find my way back to our stuff. It was a very very very salty body of water. In my own defense you almost had to open your eyes under water because you kind of felt like a treasure hunter about to discover a lost Etruscan galleon. The water had a strange azure-Mediterranean-blue cast to it that reminded me of every underwater archeology show I've ever seen on TV. Or maybe that's just me.

Anyway, Ostia Antica was a major port city in its time (2nd century AD) but was left to be buried in river silt after its decline. As a result (much like Pompey) it was very well preserved against "the ravages of time." The ruins were spectacular. I'll be posting all the travel pictures later this week but suffice it to say we were blown away. Below is a shot of the baths taken from the second story.


So then we flew home. 27 hours. It sucked. We flew through a serious thunder/lightning storm and a couple of times the plane dropped hard enough that I was glad I was wearing my seat belt.

Almost immediately upon our return home we packed all our wordly possessions into our vehicles and drove to Arizona. Sounds simple right? "We drove to Arizona." Nope.

Jordanna drove our VW station wagon filled with our "valuables" (stereo equipment, guitar, violin, xbox, etc), and our 3 cats all stuffed into a wire dog cage. I drove our truck with a fully packed bed dragging a 6 x 12 U-Haul trailer behind it. We estimated the total weight of truck + trailer at almost 5 tons. No problem.



We made it almost 100 miles before the truck overheated and tried to die. We refused to let the poor thing pass peacefully onto the next life and flogged it all the way into Idaho before it ran into the Bitterfoot mountain range and begged to be allowed to discorporate. No way Jose. Instead we reverted to plan B (slightly cheaper than plan C which was to limp to the nearest used car dealership and trade the fucker in for a newer truck) and went nocturnal. We found the nearest motel, slept 4 hours until 9pm, woke up and drove till noon the next day. Then we crashed like only stupid 30 year olds on a road trip who think they're still 18 can crash. Next stop Vegas, arriving at 8:30 the next morning. We stayed with my Dad (Papa Sprayberry) and left that night around 10pm rolling into Tucson the next morning at 9am.

Now we're in Tucson, staying with Jeff and David while we rip out and remodel our kitchen. The house is awesome and we could certainly sleep there if the water was on. As it is we very seriously need to shower at the end of each day so we're just sleeping at their house till ours is set to move into.

That's it for now. Pics to follow. Here's a couple of shots I took coming into AZ as the sun was rising.

Basilica di San Pietro (Saint Peter's Basilica)
[tyson]

Wow. There's not a lot I can say to really describe how enormous that place is. First of all you can't even get in if you're wearing shorts, a tank top, or a short skirt. They have a little hut you have to pass through with a couple of guards turning away the faithful yet scantily clad throngs. Of course before you even get to the fashion police you have to pass through an airport style metal detector and x-ray security checkpoint complete with armed guards and pat downs.

Once through the security you can enter the Basilica proper and it simply takes your breath away. So many statues, paintings, the dome itself, the foot of St. Peter, etc. We got a great picture of Ty kneeling on the spot (big red marble circle) where Charlemagne was crowned. We're not really big art history buffs but even so it was amazing to see all these serious religious relics.

That was yesterday. This morning we checked out the Piazza de Spagna and the house where John Keats died (for all you Hyperion fans out there it was kind of a surreal experience, we kept expecting to see the Shrike) as well as the famous shopping steets nearby. JD is still recovering a bit from her ordeal (see last post) so we're calling a siesta till this evening when we'll go back out for the big Italy-France game. We're solidly rooting for France so we found a Scottish bar to watch the game in. :)

Tomorrow we'll head for our last hotel in the ancient port city of Ostia Antica. Should be interesting. More to come on the celebrations (or lack thereof) following the game tonight.

The Good News is I Have NO Brain Tumours!
[jordanna]

Dont we all feel better now. There will apparently be no punctuation in this blog because this s a retarded keyboard, where the markings on the keys only occasionally match what comes out. Moving on...

Shortly after Ty posted that I was sick he went on a mission to figure out what the doctor situation was. I suggested the US embassy as a source of information, but he found a very helpful pharmacist and a couple gregarious doctors (who could not help us). As is turns out, in emergency situations, Italian social health care extends to everyone. You can always go to the emergency room for free. The night before, the receptionist at our hostel had suggested we go to Policlinico, the Largest Hospital in the Capital City. She mentioned that going for her foot took three hours. We were warned. Or so we thought. There was no way we could have EVER been prepared.

Chapter one... Triage. Thurday afternoon, 3 pm we arrive at the emergency room. By this I mean one small waiting room with maybe 15 small wooden chairs down each side and a packed hallway. Next to the waiting room there is a triage room. We were admitted to triage within 10 minutes, which got me thinking this wasn't going to be so bad. We communicated that I had had bladder spasms for 10 days, and within the past 24 hours nausea, chest tingling and dizziness had been added, making me think that the bladder infection was getting bad. Enter the point where I should have lied. When you know you have a bladder infection and a foreign health professional asks you if you have burning urination, YOU SAY YES! I am not in the habit of lying, especially not to doctors. I answered, honestly, that I had stinging after urination but not any bad burning during. At this point they asked me to pee on a stick and sent Ty to a waiting area. This means they wrapped the base of what looked like an elaborate litmus stick in gauze and said, bring this back when you have peed on it. After a separate adventure involving finding said bathroom, I bring it back to the triage room, dripping urine down the halls as I go. A different nurse takes it from me and puts it somewhere. I am banished to the waiting area. So I think that they will read the test, decide whether or not to give me anitbiotics and send me packing. NOT SO. Three and half hours later we get somebody to tell us what is going on. People are seen on a level of need basis. With a triage staff of four, and my demise not being imminently near, we were at the bottom of the list. At a little over four hours we thought about leaving, but decided to stick it out. I fell asleep upright in the chairs. At five hours, they called my name (Finally! We will see a doctor and go!)

Chapter 2... The First Doctor We were escorted to a room that almost defies description, at which point Ty was shunted off to a family waiting area. Double doors at each end of a large rectangular room, with three small rooms down each side. The center was occupied by two rows, back to back, of hospital beds packed in like sardines filled with groaning old people. I never saw the inside of the middle ones, but the first corner room I went into was an examination room. I lay down on the bed, and a nurse comes over to me and asks me what my symptoms are. She asked how long is the bladder pain, I say ten days. She asked if the chest sensation and shortness of breath are new. Enter MAJOR MISCOMMUNICATION I say yes, thinking she means new for this illness. She translates my symptoms for the doctor, while a large old bald man comes over, swabs my wrists and anknles with a wet washcloth, yanks up my shirt and bra and does the same to my chest. He turns around and comes back with a machine the size of an old timer typewriter with 8 dangling blue balls with metal hats sticking out of it. He clamps metal paddles to my wrists and ankles, then suctions ALL 8 balls to my chest. The machine starts to spit out an EKG, at which point he rips everything off and a pull my shirst back down. He then puts an IV lock into my wrist (a primary IV shunt straight into the vein that allows blood to be withdrawn and medicine to be injected) and pulls about 4 vials of blood. The nice nurse then leads me to another corner room, which has 8 more wooden chairs, and three reclining chairs. After who knows how long, she comes back and tells me that lab had a problem with my blood, could they please take more. I follow nice nurse back, and a different guy grabs my wrist, stuffs a syringe into the portal and starts tugging away violently trying to fill it with blood. After about 120 seconds of struggle he succeeds. I then ask the nurse if the results of my urine test are in, because I think I have a bladder infection. She stares at me as though I have four heads. Apparently triage man threw it in the trash. She brinds me a new stick, and a glove! Which I go to the bathroom to pee on. At this point it is amazing I have pee left, as I only brought a half liter of water with me. I pee on the stick and give it back to her. Ty comes in a bit later, having snuck past the gaurds. He asks if I want anything. I haven't wanted anything to do with food since breakfast that morning, but I ask for a drink. He finds a cart and eats a sandwich, then brings me a powerade. This bottle becomes my constant companion. I can pull a plastic lid off with my hands, then open and shut the nozzle with my teeth, never toucing the part I drink from. Later I will explain why this is necessary. Ty tells me its eleven thirty, and that weve been here over 8 hours. Shortly after this the nurse comes to fetch me and take me to a new doctor. The new doctor turns out to be a neurologist who proceeds to poke me with pins, and stroke different parts of my body and finally determines that my neurological exam is normal. She then informes me that i must stay over night to get an MRI the next morning.

Chapter 3...Overnight with a Poo-Splattered Bathroom

We decided Ty should go home for the night but before he left he made me a bed of two of the chairs in the waiting room (staying overnight did not include a bed, food, or water). I filled my water bottle and went to the bathroom again. None of the bathrooms in Italian hospitals have toilet seats, soap, or janitors. There was blood on the sink and the floor, and by the time i went back in the middle of the night there was poo on the toilet and the floor. This is why i was SO EXCITED that i could use my water bottle without touching it. I slept through the night, and Ty came back to check on me at 0730. The nice nurse had said we should be out of there by noon on Friday. Ty made plans to come back at eleven and left again to check out of our hostel. When he came back at 1100 i still hadnt been seen, and about an hour later he left to find out what was going on. He found a nurse who spoke french and told her that there had been a miscommunication and because i dont speak italian i had been unable to communicate well that i had a bladder infection. she went off to talk to the doctors then came to report that after we got the MRI she would speak with the doctors with us and we could get a prescription for antibiotics.

Chapter 4...The MRI

The MRI doctor spoke very good english. They examined my brain and my spine and the doctor said the tests looked fine and i was ok.

Chapter 5... Endgame

Ty found the french speaking nurse when we got back to the waiting area. She said they were waiting for test results, i wasnt dying, there was a slight problem with my bladder and we would be out of there with our prescription in one to two hours. Ty left to check into our new hotel and got back at just about the two hour mark. Shortly after a nurse delivered a new patient to the waiting area. I stopped the nurse and explained that i was waiting to leave. She spoke no english but the new patient did and kindly translated. The nurse returned shortly and through the new patient told me that my MRI results would not be in till tomorrow and i needed to stay overnight. At this point i started to cry and told her i had already been here 26 hours. she brought me to see the doctor.

The doctor spoke no english either but had an english speaking assistant. the assistant was very kind as i explained to him that i have a bladder infection (repeated all my symptoms again) and had been kept in the hospital with no medication or food for over a day. he spoke with the doctor and then came back and asked if i had an MRI. i said yes, and he asked why. i told him i didnt know but i could NOT STAY IN THE HOSPITAL ANOTHER NIGHT. he explained this to the doctor, kicked Ty out, and then left himself. The doctor angrily handed me a printout to sign. Before signing i asked if there was a prescription for antibiotics in there. She said no and asked me if i had bladder pain. I said Yes. She stomped out and came back with a prescription. I signed all her paperwork and we fled.

General notes... With few exceptions the health care personnel were incredibly kind and friendly. They genuinely wanted to help, and the language barrier was our major hurdle. I have always been an advocate of social healthcare, but this experience has made me realize there are pros and CONS. In the largest hospital in the country's capital city this hospital had the feel of an African bush hospital. They were ridiculously understaffed and striving to maintain any level of sanity. It was the dirtiest hospital I have ever been in. The room I spent 21 hours waiting in smelled, literally, like rot (I have been in a room with gangrene and I am not, for once, exaggerating). If I had money, I would endow it to that hospital. They are trying so hard.

PS- now i have enough Cipro to kill a horse and feel much better.

Automated Voice Phone Menus Should Be Illegal
[tyson]

I had to talk to United airlines yesterday to confirm our flights but I didnt really want to give the main trainstation public phone hundreds of Euros to do it so I went through the following rigamarole-

1) Pretend my credit card was stolen so i could call them collect
2) Tell them my card was ok, but could they please transfer me to the Airlines people anyway
3) Lose my dignity to an automated voice menu

Pleasing Male Voice- Hi, If at any point during our conversation youre not sure of your options just say Help, sound good? Great, lets get started. Please say your reservation number, or if you dont know it say I dont know.
Ty- I dont know.
PMV- Did you say I dont know?
Ty- Yes.
PMV- Well lets try and find your flight information another way. Are your reservations one way, round trip or multiple cities?
Ty- (hmm, im flying one way using two carriers through multiple cities...um...) I dont know.
PMV- Did you say I dont know?
Ty- Yes.
PMV- A one way trip...(proceeds to explain the difference between one way and round trip). Are your reservations one way, round trip, or multiple cities?
Ty- Help.
PMV- Did you say help?
Ty- Yes.
PMV- Please hold for the next available agent.
40 minutes of hold then disconnected. I try again this time just yelling help into the phone nonstop. Perhaps a little demeaning but Ill never talk to that automated voice guy in person. After 30 min of holding i get in touch with an agent who finds my flight info and then the phone disconnects us again. I go get a beer.

Other News-

1) Henry got a UTI and is sick in the hostel. Shes been waiting to see rome her whole life and now cant even leave the room. Sad doesnt even begin to describe it.

2) Rome is hot and wicked dirty. I have never in my life seen a more constant stream of tourists in and out of a city. 24 hours a day people flood into and out of the main train terminal. All with bags, from all over the world. Stunning.

3) We saw The Forum yesterday. Who graffittis a 3000 year old monument with their name? Morons.

Another Country Celebrates Wildly
[tyson]

So yet again, through no special effort on our part, we've been in a country's captial city when their national team won a huge game in the World Cup. The streets of Rome erupted last night after 2 quick goals, just minutes before a shootout, put Italy into the finals. It was pretty neat to see the goal happen and immediately hear and feel a collective roar from every direction.

We've spent the morning wandering around and having no particular agenda. On our list of things to check out are the ruins of Ostia Antica (port city), AS Roma's stadium, the Ducatti/Ferrari/Lamborghini/MV Agusta factories (we'll have to se on that one), and whatever else catches our fancy.

More exciting tales to come.

Apparently his post did get published. Sorry for the double up!

Brussels: Not what we expected
[jordanna]

Tyson attempted to write this two days ago, but the network crashed when he tried to post it and he lost all his work. While he was attempting to explain to the proprietor of said internet shop how frustrating this was, somebody stole his new prescription sunglasses. To spare him the annoyance of redoing his blog I am taking a bash at it. You, therefore, must suffer though my lack of wit and bad spelling.

I am glad we elected to stay a day in Brussels and not go straight through to Rome. The guide books we read rave about the city, its architecture, and its cuisine. They, apparently, did not stay where we did. Ty and I were struck by how much the city reminded us of Africa when we stepped off the metro. This is largely because of the smell (garbage, stale urine), the trash (just like Africa we saw shop keepers sweeping trash away from their portion of the sidewalk), and the laid back feel. People were relaxed and unhurried. It was also the most diverse city I have seen (granted I am not an urban guru), with an immense amount of integration. We saw more interacial couples on train from the airport than I typically see in seattle in a year. The neighborhoods also had a lot of friendly mixing. From my sterile academic atmosphere I am often curious as to how everywhere I have lived in America remains so segregated, and one of my favorite parts of visiting Brussels was seeing a modern city where they appear to have overcome this. They have not, however, mastered the concept of a public trashcan. Or recycling. This was hands down the dirtiest city I have seen since Nairobi.

There was spectacular architecture. For the first time ever, we bought tickets to a tour bus. It was an open top and you could hop on and off as you pleased. We figured we were there for only one day, and it was the best way to get a quick overview. It turned out to be a great idea. Most of the sights it drove by were absolutely beautiful, and nowhere you would want to spend half a morning getting to and walking around. We did get off at the public gardens, which were 6 hectares. The most exciting part about the garden is I FINALLY KNOW WHAT A HECTARE LOOKS LIKE! They were beautiful and free. If I worked in downtown Brussels I would eat lunch there everyday. We also got to see the EU head quarters, and a giant 'atom' that was built for the 196? world fair. The more I see these ramdom contructs, the more I think the world fair is an excuse to build visually interesting but utterly useless buildings.

Once off the tour bus, we failed miserably in our mission to find the birth place of Jean Claude Van Damme. It was REALLY hot and we kind of melted. The temperature was also responsible for our inability to bring home any of the famed belgian chocolates : ( Now we are in Rome, which is bizarrely less hot. But Ty will fill you in on that later...

Nouveau Message
[tyson]

So here we are in Brussels and what a place it is.

When we stepped off the subway onto the street the first thing that came to both our minds was an overwhelming sense of being back in Africa. The heat, the people, the music, the chatter, and the subtle olfactory presence of trash that should have been removed sometime last week. It all felt like Africa. Between colonial Congo refugees and a growing East African diaspora our particular area of Brussels happens to be a very ethnically diverse area. Bonus for us. We like Africa.

I didn't check a calendar but I hope today was a Belgian holiday. We went wandering downtown and encountered the most focused shoppers and consumers heretofore known to mankind. They sped over rough terrain and yielded to the left despite the traffic rules of their country. They moved with purpose and destiny as they accumulated plastic bags of widely varying shapes and sizes. They stopped briefly to devour Shishi smoothies and smoke a cigarette before moving on to max out their credit limit. They left us agape in their wake holding our hotel-issued water bottles and wondering what the hell just happened.

Lesson learned: Cobblestones render a Henry incapable of movement. She got about 30 meters down the road before she was forced to resort to a Frankenstein-like gait and politely request we take another road. Damn illio-psoas muscles.

Tomorrow we head to Rome. More to come. Stay tuned.

Angry Brits and a Sweltering Cafe
[jordanna]

Last night we went back to the fan mile to watch the England vs. Portugal game. It was a gogeous sunny day and we weren't ready to lock ourselves inside a smokey bar just yet.

[Note: even outside there is so much smoke we have been snorting out black boogers for days. This and the fact that you have to pay to use bathrooms are the only downsides of the trip so far. Ty doesn't care about the bathrooms, but I have been fighting off a bladder infection and peeing CONSTANTLY. If I am not peeing, I am most likely thinking about peeing. Moving on...]

Last night was much more of a county fair kind of feel with people casually milling around; a marked change from the intensity of the Germany game. We actually found a seat, and settled into what seemed like a good section. We were in the middle of a small crowd of England supporters, which started out fun, with people yelling and cheering for their team. Then, when things started to turn for the worse (Rooney got a red card) the evil football fans started to surface. I completely understand getting mad at a bad ref (US vs Italy game for example), but there is a point when you cross the line from supporting your team to being a belligerent prick. They were making up songs about how all Portugese are bastard assholes, and would start screaming "Fuck you, you fucking bastards" whenever the Portugese fans cheered. To be fair, there were only three or so of these pricks, and one of the women travelling with them looked at Tyson halfway through the game and said, "It's embarassing sometimes". It just struck me how different the feel was between the two games we saw there. The crowd for Germany, which had to be 8 times as big, was awesome. Everyone was there for one purpose, but no one seemed rabid. In a much smaller (you know, only 100,000 people), more intimate crowd the feel was so negative. That feel, and the fact that a bottle of water cost 5.25$, made us leave before the second game. Turns out France still kicks but and the local 'American' restaurant is full of much more relaxed people.

Randomly, somebody started screaming obscenities outside our hotel this morning around 5 am and didn't stop for a good half an hour. Tyson swears it was Angry Brit number one, who had a very distinctive and grating voice. It honestly wouldn't surprise me: his first comment after Rooney got carded was, "I am going to get fucking arrested tonight", right before he kicked beer all over my legs and spit on my head in his screaming frenzy. Ahhh...... football.

Anyway, it is all a unique cultural experience. Turns out Germans don't do anything retail related until 2 pm on Sundays so we are sweltering away in the internet cafe waiting to go to the airport. We will make one last stop on our way out, for Tyson to ge a last brat and beer and me to get my last currywurst (a divine creation of chopped sausage, curry powder, special sauce and ketchup). It has been a hell of a trip, and we couldn't have asked for more when we planned our trip to Europe for the World Cup.

A Human Mile and a 60 ft Pink Inflatible Bunny

A direct quote from this article at The Times online. And they were NOT kidding. It was crazy.

The party extends from the Brandenburg Gate all the way to the Victory Column. That area has a lot crazy German history and it was amazing to see such a happy nationalistic-yet-inviting crowd gathered there.

There were around 800,000 people gathered to watch the game on big screens and it was just one huge German party. To my wife's credit she reveled in the experience despite the amazing concentration of crowds, noise, smoke, and drunken idiocy. Three things she generally avoids. :)

This was certainly one of the things that we had in the back of our minds when we planned on being in Berlin for the World Cup but I can't honestly say that I expected it to be quite what it was. The press of humanity as everyone held arms during the penalty kicks. The grim, tight lips after Argentina scored. The hugs I got afterward because I was wearing a Klose shirt (he scored the equalizer in the 80th minute). The fights. The songs. The weird feeling of smiling and grinning through the German national anthem because we don't know the words.

Americans certainly love their sports but there's no ONE sport. If you took the fan base from Football, Basketball, Hockey, and Baseball and rolled them all into one, and then made it the national team you might have something close. Maybe. It was amazing.

Anyway, the pics to come later include: the topless painted chicks, JD and her new friend, Sor drinks a beer, and the video of the equalizer goal. Stay tuned.

We head out for Brussells tomorrow to find the birthplace of Jean Claude VanDamme and compare their fries with those of the Mews in Wakefield. England beats the pus out of Portugal tonight (sorry Mom, cage pashtoda) and France upsets Brazil. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

The Zoologischer Garten

Today we went to the Berlin Zoo. I guess I'm not really sure what we were expecting but it wasn't what we found.

The main difference between the Berlin zoo and every other zoo I've ever seen in my life is that the animals here are responsible enough to stay in their cages on the honor system. I'm serious. I forcibly stopped myself from grabbing a "Jackass Penguin" and stuffing it in my backpack for later examination. Despite how CUTE they were.

Another facet of the zoo that really stood out for us was the diversity and number of very obscure Asian and African animals there. Both JD and I have degrees in Zoology and have lived in Africa and we had never even heard of half of the animals there. I present for example:

1) The South African Fur Seal - Yes, your basic seal, but its distribution is, like, one rock in South Africa
2) The Jackass Penguin - So Cute.
3) Sri Lankan Sloth Bear - What the hell is this thing?
4) Pygmy Hippo
5) Some apparent cross between a Muskrat and a Feline that we cant remember the name of.
6) African Blue Billed Duck - Cutest duck ever.
7) Indian Rhinoceros - The german name translates as "Horned Tank"
8) Black Rhino - We've heard of them, but what zoo actually HAS one?

Lastly, the Zoo puts as much time, money, and effort into the architecture of its large animal habitats as it does into the animals themselves. So you have the Gemsbok (antelope) living in what appears to be a large spanish villa. The giraffe live in Aladdins castle. The hippos are lucky enough to get the Epcot center. Pictures will follow later when i find a public computer with a freaking USB port.

Tomorrow: The Fan Mile for the Germany v. Argentina game. A dream come true. :)

East Berlin, The Wall, Interweb@DunkinDonuts

Day 1) We have landed in Berlin! Although technically "crashed" may be a more accurate word. After 15 hours of flights and the 9 hour time change we arrived in Germany with no sleep at 10am local time. Very very sleepy Henry...


Day 2) We definitively determined that the 2001 Lonely Planet "Europe on a Shoestring" sucks. Despite our travel guide we found what remains of the Berlin Wall, Checkpoint Charlie, and took an improv bus tour through old East Berlin. JD describes it as "shockingly undilapidated". I myself was a little dissapointed at the lack of Soviet checkpoints and scattered communist corpses. But I suppose we are 20 years or so too late.

All of the DunkinDonutses (it wants our donutses...my precious...) here are internet cafes. Brilliant!

So now, post nap and coffee, we are off to the famous "Reichstag Nude Swimming Techno Club"

More to come later.

Jordanna constantly complains to me that I take demeaning pictures of her with strange things on her head. This is clearly not my fault. If I pick up a camera and ask her to put something stupid on her head she complies. Point in fact, this picture.

The countdown continues as we pack and get ready to go on European Tour. We leave for Berlin on the 26th and come back from Rome on the 12th, only to jump in our vehicles and drive to Tucson on the 14th. Oh yeah.

In the reorganization and madness of packing Roland (our dog) got into some of our more obscure memorabilia and partially devoured the skin of the Gabon Viper pictured above. Comforting to know that should a snake find its way into our home and expire of natural causes our dog will earn its keep by defiling the corpse.